Elton's music might turn Island gay.

It has been said that cleanliness is next to Godliness. i suspect that is a misquote and the original was “dumbness is next to Godliness” because in my experience the more Godly they are the dumber they become. Let us go to some church leaders in Tobago for an example.

The Plymouth Jazz Festival has the singer scheduled to perform. That has the Archdeacon of Trinidad and Tobago, Philip Isaac rather upset. The good Christian clown wants Elton John banned for attending because John is gay and that doesn’t conform with the Bible

The Archdeacon says that if Elton John sings there it might “open the country to be tempted towards pursuing his lifestyle.” Now I’ve heard all sort of wacky theories from religious lunatics about why people are gay but I’ve never heard the theory that music by Elton John will do it.

John told reporters he had nothing to say. But I hear rumors that instead of commenting he started humming causing reporters in the room to unexplainable begin nuzzling up other reporters of the same sex.

Meanwhile it appears (tongue in cheek -- and not that cheek) that the Vatican has commissioned a report showing that Elton John’s music has been routinely played in the vestry of most Catholic Churches after mass. The church is saying that they now want the singer to pay damages to the church. Cardinal D’Bauch says that the church believes the music may be responsible for wayward priests attacking altar boys. “Elton John ought to help us pay the hundreds of millions in damages we have been saddled with because of his music,” said D’Bauch.

D’Bauch contended that the CD’s distributed to priests had slight word changes. “One song is called “Candle in the end” and we all know what the means say the Cardinal”. D’Bauch said Elton John is the “only person who has much money as we do so why shouldn’t he pay.” The interview had to end early as the Cardinal said he had a Boy Scout camping trip to attend.

Christians for God and George Bush said that there is indisputable evidence, revealed by God, that the first homosexual was only discovered in 1968 days after the release of Elton John's single "I've Been Loving You."

PS: Yes, the first half of this story is entirely true.